The Longest Day

You sit back and listen...
...to all the sounds of the world.
...to all the children's screams of joy.
...to the distant ambulance.
...to the sound of work crews in the highway jungle.
...the wind blowing by you like a tornado.
Just that one time you can loose yourself.

SeXy!!.....lol

Ok I'm Back For Now

School sucks, that's all to it. I'm tired of putting up with these people's bullshit it's annoying and by the end of the day it's wore me down, but I guess I can say there are some cool people there. My dad is gonna have a while off, so that's good I guess. Oh yeah, we have another judging competition next week in Conroe and then we go off to A&M so hope for the best for me.

I got it!

Yeah, new title, new layout, corny huh?

Help

I want a new title anybody got any ideas?

Get me away from school.

Well I've seen the weirdest things today, I've been like a zombie going class to class, my eyes are starting to play tricks on me, I'm just so tired, and when I was going to get my lil' bro' today a drop of blood fell on me, nice. We're reading this perverted book for english, it's so gross, the girl in the book talks how some other girl changes bra's in class and how funky the other girl's boobs are and at the end of it, someone told me she gets raped. Yeah like if I want to read something like that.

Monday

Today I guess wasn't the best, I went in the restroom and lost it, for I don't how many fucking times already. I turn the tv off because I want to hear nothing of Terri Schiavo, it reminds me of my uncle. I run because I do not want to look at my past, it stalks me like a killer, those memories. I would do anything to see my best of friends, just to have a good time again. I've lost hope for the rest of my life right now, but I wake up and hope for the best.

My Key To Happiness...

...you fucking wish

Poser 

The Day After

Everything has been setting in for me and it's been weird, I guess I've realized how close my dad came to being killed the other day. I feel a loss for the people who did lose their beloved husband, child, wife, brother, sister, mother, you know the deal. There was even a couple who was killed together, husband and wife, but yet people go back to work and live at the place they love.

Crossfire

My dad works down there at the Bp plant down in Texas City, and if you don't know by now there was a large explosion down there earlier today, unfortunately not everyone made it out, and he (my dad) had just left that unit a few hours before the explosion. Yeah I'm a nervous wreck right now and shaken up, and I hope he will consider couseling services being offered.
You never know when someone you love deeply will go to work one day and not come home, but's that's just life and you have to live it, but he's buyin me food so I'm happy...lol.

- - -

That look you don't get everyday.
That look that says I'm going to die.
That look of pain, regret, and remorse.
I have not yet forgotten that look and it is painful.

Weathered

Well yesterday we had that fundraiser selling prgrams at Reliant Stadium, talk about freaks being there, there where drag queens, and wierd gothic people with black lipstick and they where guys. It was freezing cold especially with the wind, and now I have blisters all down my middle finger, which came in handy last nght if ya know what I mean. But anyway my dad came and bought me a big juicy Whataburger and we went home, and I got back at 10. There's nothin much goin on so I got nothin to bitch about, my aunt still has to go in for colonscopy in two weeks I think, so hope for the best.

"With God, even when nothing is happening - something is happening. "
- Rev. Reubin Welch, "In the Arms of God" by Dr. James D

My Head Has Been In My Ass All Damn Day

Ok, maybe I wasn't ready for school, I've been goofin off all day, ya you know when you sit right in front of the teacher and don't pay attention to a damn thing she says, but it was better than being home and not doing anything. So, my mom came and told me yesterday that my aunt had been in the hospital with a colon infection or something like that, so great ruin my day, she still has to go in for a colonoscopy in three weeks so hope for the best and ya know what...

"Get a tube up your ass because it's NOT WORTH IT."

So anyway we had a FFA meeting tonight, we elected new chapter officer's, crazy like always. So Wednesday we get to go back to the rodeo, TO SALE PROGRAMS, yay, and who in the hell is Maroon 5?

Final Thoughts (Spring Break 2005)

Love can be a weird thing, besides somebody decided to waste themselves again, just a couple of minutes ago, if you don't believe me I can show you, it was on TIERWESTER @ ROSEDALE.
I feel that once again I've wasted another spring break, but I look back and I guess I had fun, at least I wasn't on some doomed cruiseship to nowhere or at some other worthless shit place, went to the livestock show, judging contest, wedding, screwed around with the family again, so it was good. School is tomorrow, can't wait to be back and get out of this boring place.

My Home Prison

Well ok, first we went to Health and Human Services to get some copies of some death certificates, talk about weirdos being there, we were there for almost two hours. We left there and went to eat and then we went to the cemetery to look at some plots and spots, went by and saw some relatives, walked around. Loose myself for awhile and went out to La Victoria to eat some more. So that was my day plain and simple.

Life in Boredom and In Sickness

Yay, my spring break is finally going somewhere, remember that really old aunt I haven't seen in a couple of years, well we're going to go over tomorrow, my mom, my other aunt, and me, I bet you one thing she will be pist off. Then my other aunt the one who pissed me off a couple a weeks ago is gonna come later after that, so I'm gonna be scrambling all over the place. I really hate what they do to me, they act like I'm of age and I could do every single fucking thing for them, like their bills or something, or different banking accounts for them or something like that, it really flares me up because every time I make a mistake on that, it goes back on them and I don't want that to happen, they are always on my back, they already call me, "gothic," I mean come on I look white as hell, and don't blame for the kind of music I like, and they constantly obsess me with things I don't like, it really pisses me off.
I've been bored out of my mind, to bad all my friends are still in school or out of town. I've been kind of sick but I'm better, so that's it for know


Bye Dan!! Thanks for all those years.

Silence

Ok we sucked, horribly, especially me, but I guess it was still fun. It was dubbed, "The Largest Judging Contest in the World," it was huge like 1600 people where there, we had 7 classes of livestock and 12 minutes to judge and place them and 10 question classes. It was hot and it was raining outside and the roof started to spring up several different leaks but after that results where at 5 and we got out about 2 so we had a couple of hours to ourselves. So, of course I went out to go and eat the entire time, I stopped out some place called, "Little German Kitchen," they where real cool it was some black lady and some white guy, I wanted water but I came back later to eat, cuz they where that cool and then I went to eat ice cream at some place called "ColdStone Ice Cream," I didn't want to in the line at Marble Slab it was almost outside the door so I found that other place right outside, but anyway I paid $6 for it and thought it would be some small ass cone, but when the guy gave it to me, this thing was HUGE!! I still had to make it back to the arena for results in 10 minutes, so it was CHOW DOWN time for me. So we sat through results, and got some belt buckles. So we left on the bus about 6:30 and made it back to the barn about 7, my mom wanted to go to Hobby Lobby so I was like yeah whatever and so we left and I waited in the truck and watched the lightning out in the distance, real cool, lol. So got home and saw a some Haz.Mat. Trucks and a Safety Officer go by there had been a chemical leak a couple miles away where my dad works at near the airport so, a little tense there, but he was home already.
My aunt might come over today, trust me I'm not really looking forward to it.

The Heat Is On

Well today is the judging contest at the livestock show, hope I do good. I'll come back later and tell how I did.

The Night....Is My World

Just got home from my cousin's wedding, it was fun and crazy, late to the church like always, I've come to expect that from my mother bring late that is, I just think that we're making an entrance, hehe, but after that was the reception, it looked like some ghetto place but, after you walked inside it was full of chandeliers and was real nice. Food was good, fajitas, rice, beans, and potato salad, ya know the works, except the dj really sucked, all he played was slasa music or spanish dance music, then my aunt got all pissed off and had a talk with him she asked him why doesn't he play any tejano or country music. he said, "I"ll try," then she goes, "I can bring a cd out of my truck if you want?" he said yes, (because the real truth was that the dj probably didn't have any tejano or country music) and so she did. Then he started to play this horrible techno music, and everyone sat down and I laughed so hard and he put my aun't cd on and evryone got back to dancing, but then he started to play shitty music again. So, we ate cake and said bye to everyone, so that was my Saturday.

Reveille

Well today we went to the livestock show, so I guess it was fun, kicked around some cows, bought a lot of food, and went shopping and bought a bunch of overpriced stuff, like if I have the money. So I got to miss a whole bunch of test and quizzies at school, juding contest is Monday so hope I do good. Spring break is next week, doubt I'll do anything but sleep. My cousin's wedding is tomorrow, so that will be fun. So most of the day I was this lazy bitch.

12

I watched the sunset today, it was so beautiful.
I watched lovers kiss under the sunset.
I watched the refinery lights light up the sky.
I heard kids scream full of joy.
I watched the night come over like a blanket.

I got to myself today, school was ok, we had a pep rally and I stuck by myself, I got stuck all alone but it was funny because the girl sitting next to me looks like she could of been my girlfriend or something. We had a to the judging meeting, reviewed some stuff, and the contest is Monday at the livestock show. We're going on a feild trip tomorrow so, hope I have fun.
My day was a breeze.

Dragger

How did I end up here?
Yeah, I feel beat up again, yeah my family is still obnoxious, yeah my life is starting to suck again.
But why do I go back?
...because of love?
...because of friendship?
...because of caring?
...because of I have to?
...because I just do?

So, ok maybe it's time to go back to the therabitch, HELL MOTHER FUCKING NO, not that place.

You don't know how many times I thought I would get out of that office better, but you know what it didn't happen. Of course, nervous, jittery, who wouldn't be? Why not be like that cops daughter on TV, maybe it's just TV but it gave me hope, hope that didn't last.

My dad has been at work for like almost three days, and he's finally coming home, school sucked and it rained me, I mean rained on me, not rain, that really cold rain, that rain feels like needles poking at your face. Yeah it hurt, I think was 52 degrees, and I was shaking my ass off by the time I got to pick up my little brother.

"Sometimes we need to be hurt in order to grow,
We must fall in order to know,
We must lose in order to gain,
Some lessons are learned best through pain."

Stats

I told you (again) it wouldn't last.
Everything has been falling down again, my family is full of shit, and don't feel like it will get any better I try to be optimistic and hope for the best but I really don't think this will happen any time soon. I mean my family treats one of my other family members so wrong and won't talk to her just because she's, "different," I barely don't even know her and have probably only seen her a couple a times in my life. I think about how good, "cousins" her and my mom were and yet I think about why doesn't that friendship matter more than her, "difference." I'm watching everyone rot and can't do a fucking thing about it, of course I'm not ok.
My dad still isn't home don't know when he is coming home.
Anyway, still practicing for judging, so we've been going over a bunch a crap before next week, and after I was going home and we were sitting at a red light and saw this guy come out of nowhere and start banging at some other guy's windshield but at the same time the light turned green and the other guy took of, I mean you talk about some road rage.