I am not DEAD

I haven't disappeared anywhere, been killed by some wild illegal immigrant, imprisoned in a mental institution, but oh I have been busy with my oh..........uh my pig
yes, pig
Oh my I never told anyone, what I was doing late in the night and early in the morning.
My obnoxious girlfriend with big black poka-dots on her ass.
Now 250 pounds of running tamales, I mean pork, through the hell she has put me in for the last 6 MONTHS.
Her sicknesses and accidental droppings on me oh her stubbornness of me turning her a purple color after I am done walking with her.
But it has come to that point, yes that point, to send her away to meet her maker, on October 15th.

Oh That's Just Scary

Your Daddy Is Bill O'Reilly

What You Call Him: Daddy-o Why You Love Him: He gives good spankings

Who's Your Daddy?

Happy Easter Eveyone

My mom is having surgery tomorrow and I'm going to Livingston on Friday, I'll be back on Monday, Adios!

"I'm white, so I must not be able to say, nigga, spic, beaner, wetback..but I am called cracker or redneck.

I'm skinny, so I must be bulemic/anorexic.

I'm emo, so I must cut my wrists.

I'm black, so I must be on welfare and getting by on affirmative action.

I'm Hispanic, so I must be dirty.

I'm Asian, so I must love math.

I'm Jewish, so I must be greedy.

I'm gay, so I must have AIDS.

I'm a lesbian, so I must live in San Francisco.

I'm Arab, so I must be a terrorist.

I'm a single mom, so I must be a slut.

I'm old, so I probably cant drive.

I'm overweight, so I most likely have a problem with self control.

I'm religious, so I must shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm republican, so I must not care about poor people.

I'm democrat, so I must not believe in being responsible.

I'm from the south, so I must be white trash.

I take anti-deppressants, so I must be crazy.

I'm a man, so I only want to get into your pants.

I'm a woman, so I must think irrationally.

I'm Irish, so I must have a bad drinking problem.

I'm Indian, so I must own a 7-11 and have a pet rock.

I'm Native American, so I must dance around a fire screaming like a savage, or be apart of a gaming casino.

I dont live with my child, so I must be a dead beat dad.

I'm athletic, so I must be stupid.

I'm a prep, so I must eat and breathe Abercrombie and Fitch.

I'm a teenager, so I must drink and do drugs.

I'm a nerd,so I must be a loser.

I'm a cheerleader, so I must be a whore.

I'm a punk, so I must do drugs.

I'm young, so I must be naive.

I'm a girl, so i must suck at guitar

I'm rich, so I must be a snob, conceided.

I wear black, so I must be gothic.

I smell, so I must be a hobo.

I'm a prep so i must be a rich bitch.

I'm scene so i must be a fag.

I'm pale because I fear skin cancer, I must be a hermit and have no life.

I get good grades, I must be a nerd

I dress however i feel like so I must be a poser."

You know what?
If you don't even know what your protesting for, then just go home. So just like oh yeah lets all go to downtown and start flashing gang signs at each other because that's what a lot of those people did done there, oh yeah that's real smart, because myself as a Hispanic is not afraid to admit that the Hispanic community has proplems, serious problems.

Just get me a shotgun and a shovel and I'll figure out the rest

Sunday 5:30 P.M.

"Good evening I'm Stephanie Guadian, out Top Story tonight the small town of Sante Fe mourns
"Let me guess accident."
"Hmm."
"...killed in a single car accident on F.M. 1960 last night..."
"Yep."

The phone rings, my mom answers.
It's my grandma.

(gasp)
"Oh my God."

My mom is real dramatic if I've never told you.

(gasp for like the fourth time)
"He's going to end like one of those people with their heads cut off."

The first thing that came to my mind was that woman's husband (who I can't think the name of) in Iraq got kidnapped or something but it wasn't. Afterwards she hangs up.

"Mrs. G. died."
"What? You're kidding?"
"She died."
"We (stuttering) just saw her a couple of months ago she seemed fine! What do you mean she's dead?"
"She got real sick."
"What do you mean? She never ate like grandma, what do mean she's dead?"
"How the hell should I know"
I leave to the kitchen to get my mind off and start washing dishes, my mom comes up to me.

"What are you going to do with me when I get old?"
"Why are you asking me this?"
"Well?"
"Just get me a shotgun and a shovel and I'll figure out the rest."
"Thank You."


I'm coming home in the rain yesterday and the truck next to me on the freeway does a 360 into the gaurd rail, clipping a van, I just sat there and waited to get hit.